"For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs--heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.
We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hpes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with goans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will."
Dec 15, 2006
Aug 14, 2006
Memo to all the Single Folk
I really just wrote this for my own sanity (and not for public viewing), but then I figured what the hell. So, for what it's worth...
MEMO TO ALL DUDES: Regardless of whatever you have built up in your head about me (and females in general), if you were to ask me on a date I would not shortly thereafter be expecting a princess cut diamond ring and your hand in marriage. In fact, just to prove my point, it doesn’t even have to be a date. What I (and I speak for many other females) am asking for is a conversation. We can freaking sit next to the drunk guy on my front steps for half an hour for all I care. So before you get ahead of yourself thinking I’m already naming our unborn children, I will spare you the guessing game. I’m not asking for much here: maybe just how many siblings you have or how work is going or what you like to do when you’re not working. When you don’t ask us out due to your pre-conceived notions of what a “date” means to us, you, in fact are guilty of the exact same thing of which you accuse. There is definitely a verse somewhere in the Bible about that.
MEMO TO ALL DUDETTES: If you think you may be interested in a guy (which may happen on numerous occasions) please be real with yourself about the source and intensity of the attraction. Chances are you know very little about him….that he’s cute, he’s from such and such city, works for such and such company and seems to have some kind of sense of humor judging from the sarcastic comment he muttered under his breath the other day. Sounds simple enough, but the problem is that us girls love to play pretend in our heads….it’s like some crazy internal wiring we have going on that makes us really good at relationships but can also get us into a whole lot of trouble. So even though you want to assume he’d be a great father one day because he talked to the little boy in the elevator….don’t go there. Just don’t. I know it’s hard because it’s against our very nature, but guys can sniff this out from a mile away and they freak out and refuse to initiate any sort of hang-out or activity that could possibly be labeled as a “date”. My advice: be cool….even when your insides are screaming otherwise….be cool. Then guys won’t feel the pressure that tends to lead to their general withdraw from the female population.
May 15, 2006
Next-Step Search: Day 1
Yesterday as I was running I was doing some thinking (because I try to focus on everything besides the actual fact that I'm running) and came up with this novel idea that I should blog my job-searching journey....mostly to hold myself accountable to actually making progress on a daily basis. Plus, I think it will be kind of fun. I'm calling it my next-step search because it sounds a little more all-encompassing, like the future's wide open....which it is.
First I must step back and explain why, from a spiritual perspective, this is a ripe time for me to be in the market for change, especially career related. I feel like my journal entry from May 5th articulates it best:
"So I've come to this conclusion that life is always going to be in some sort of state of "overwhelming"--because it's life...and there's always stuff going on and there will always be a million areas trying to be in perfect balance with each other but never quite making it. Just when you're physical health is coming together, your financial situation is falling apart. And just when you've mastered the art of budgeting, some relationship needs reconciling. You see what I mean? For as long as we live there will always be loose ends that have been sewn up, others that need to be tied and some right on the verge of unraveling.
This is precisely why the old Jennifer was in a constant state of feeling overwhelmed, stressed out and worried. Because I saw the reality but just couldn't accept it...
I have now progressed into the very liberating phase of acceptance....of myself and the state of the world. Perfection exists only in the one who defined it in the first place. So if something is to be redeemed to the state it was created for, that will only be through Him and no amount of my "trying", however relentless that may be."
So basically instead of proving myself (which is exhausting and a set-up for failure), I simply have to be myself...and trust that that's enough. Amazing what a little adjustment of perspective can do.
Ok, so back to the task at hand. Day 1 was awesome. I could really get used to this unemployment gig. Here's the rundown:
- Woke up early and got a personal tour of the New York Stock Exchange by my friend that works there. I got to go on the trading floor and meet some folks who apparently are "kind of a big deal" in the financial world. It was awesome.
- Got home and made myself a scrumptious brunch of scrambled eggs, salad, English muffin, strawberries, coffee and OJ....wow, that's a lot of food when you see it written down.
- read Psalm 108 and thanked God for lots of things....namely that his "love reaches to the heavens" even on my worst days.
- e-mailed about 5 job contacts and managed to set up 2 informational interviews for the week
- worked on the ole' May budget--realized I should probably not buy anything for the rest of the month.
- filled in on my friend's volleyball team
- money spent: $2.19 (for one red pepper....that's ridiculous)
- epiphanies: I think I would like to work for myself at some point in life.
I am good at phone conversation.
I am selfish.
My fundraising adeptness has surprised me (see AIDS Walk webpage)
The computer skills could use some work.
First I must step back and explain why, from a spiritual perspective, this is a ripe time for me to be in the market for change, especially career related. I feel like my journal entry from May 5th articulates it best:
"So I've come to this conclusion that life is always going to be in some sort of state of "overwhelming"--because it's life...and there's always stuff going on and there will always be a million areas trying to be in perfect balance with each other but never quite making it. Just when you're physical health is coming together, your financial situation is falling apart. And just when you've mastered the art of budgeting, some relationship needs reconciling. You see what I mean? For as long as we live there will always be loose ends that have been sewn up, others that need to be tied and some right on the verge of unraveling.
This is precisely why the old Jennifer was in a constant state of feeling overwhelmed, stressed out and worried. Because I saw the reality but just couldn't accept it...
I have now progressed into the very liberating phase of acceptance....of myself and the state of the world. Perfection exists only in the one who defined it in the first place. So if something is to be redeemed to the state it was created for, that will only be through Him and no amount of my "trying", however relentless that may be."
So basically instead of proving myself (which is exhausting and a set-up for failure), I simply have to be myself...and trust that that's enough. Amazing what a little adjustment of perspective can do.
Ok, so back to the task at hand. Day 1 was awesome. I could really get used to this unemployment gig. Here's the rundown:
- Woke up early and got a personal tour of the New York Stock Exchange by my friend that works there. I got to go on the trading floor and meet some folks who apparently are "kind of a big deal" in the financial world. It was awesome.
- Got home and made myself a scrumptious brunch of scrambled eggs, salad, English muffin, strawberries, coffee and OJ....wow, that's a lot of food when you see it written down.
- read Psalm 108 and thanked God for lots of things....namely that his "love reaches to the heavens" even on my worst days.
- e-mailed about 5 job contacts and managed to set up 2 informational interviews for the week
- worked on the ole' May budget--realized I should probably not buy anything for the rest of the month.
- filled in on my friend's volleyball team
- money spent: $2.19 (for one red pepper....that's ridiculous)
- epiphanies: I think I would like to work for myself at some point in life.
I am good at phone conversation.
I am selfish.
My fundraising adeptness has surprised me (see AIDS Walk webpage)
The computer skills could use some work.
Apr 30, 2006
Change
So I quit my job and have no backup plan. I gotta' tell you it may be one of the best things that's ever happened to me. Ok, so when I say I have no backup plan, what I really mean is that I have no other job lined up. However, I've saved up a little money and the plan is to take a second and figure out what exactly it is that I'm called to. I don't feel like work and personal life should have to be so separate. They should be overflows of each other. So I want to find a job that feels like that...like something I was created to do.
My last day is May 12th which means I've encountered a major case of "senioritis" at work. I seriously can't focus for more than 10 minute increments...because freedom is right around the corner. I say that now, and then I'm sure in a couple months I'll be posting a whiny blog about how I'm broke and jobless. Such is life...
The craziest thing about all of this is not so much the decision itself, but the internal transformation I've undergone because of it. I've just felt trapped for a long time, like I was going to be stuck in this job forever and stuck in a rut of complacency. So basically something had to change. Some kind of decision had to be made. And it was. And I feel good about it. And in the process of it all I've learned that I really can be a lot of things I think I'm not--spontaneous, unconventional, completely trusting (of God) and most of all confident. For someone who's always done the safe and responsible thing her whole life because she's deathly afraid of failure, a giant leap of faith is what needed to happen. And for someone who is accustomed to feeling anxious and worried on a daily basis, to experience such peace and surety can only be evidence of the supernatural at work.
So that's that. I may fail miserably and find myself not being able to afford rent in a few months. And that's ok. In fact, it may even be good for me. To know that failure doesn't have the same power over me that it had before. I'm excited to see where this story goes.....and equally joyful in the sharing of it...
My last day is May 12th which means I've encountered a major case of "senioritis" at work. I seriously can't focus for more than 10 minute increments...because freedom is right around the corner. I say that now, and then I'm sure in a couple months I'll be posting a whiny blog about how I'm broke and jobless. Such is life...
The craziest thing about all of this is not so much the decision itself, but the internal transformation I've undergone because of it. I've just felt trapped for a long time, like I was going to be stuck in this job forever and stuck in a rut of complacency. So basically something had to change. Some kind of decision had to be made. And it was. And I feel good about it. And in the process of it all I've learned that I really can be a lot of things I think I'm not--spontaneous, unconventional, completely trusting (of God) and most of all confident. For someone who's always done the safe and responsible thing her whole life because she's deathly afraid of failure, a giant leap of faith is what needed to happen. And for someone who is accustomed to feeling anxious and worried on a daily basis, to experience such peace and surety can only be evidence of the supernatural at work.
So that's that. I may fail miserably and find myself not being able to afford rent in a few months. And that's ok. In fact, it may even be good for me. To know that failure doesn't have the same power over me that it had before. I'm excited to see where this story goes.....and equally joyful in the sharing of it...
Mar 3, 2006
It's the Little Things...
Some Fun and Random Happenings as of Late:
1. I was riding on the bus w/ my client in the Bronx one day and the bus driver led us all in a chorus of "The Wheels on the Bus go 'Round and 'Round" in efforts to get this little girl to stop crying. Never have I seen so many hardcore black-wearing Bronxonians (I just made that word up) smile at once. Mad props to you, Mr. Bus Driver Man!!
2. So we had this whole package of brown sugar that was completely hardened. Naturally, as I always do in such predicaments, I googled my solution and learned that putting a piece of foil and damp paper towel on top of the clumps will soften them right up. So I did, and I waited...day one..still solid as a rock....day two same deal....day three I go to throw out the sugar in despair but alas it has softened and is the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on. Ok, so that might be a slight exageration but seriously I have been incorporating brown sugar into every meal since that glorious day....simply because I can. Sure I could have just given up, thrown it out and bought a new package. But the effort makes it taste all the better. I thought of all these great life analogies that are reflected in the brown sugar incident, but I shall spare you the sentimental details for now.
3. My friend Sarah from A&M just moved across the street from me (literally). She would e-mail and call last year to ask questions as she deliberated the move here. And, as fate would have it, a year later we're neighbors in the big apple.
4. I dated (and I use that term lightly) a Polish dude that I met on the subway. I know, I know...very New York, and/or very ridiculous depending on how you look at it. Needless to say it didn't work out. No more picking up dates on public transportation.
5. Took the Chinatown bus to Baltimore and reconnected with a long lost high school friend who I hadn't seen in 4 years. We did a little kareoke-ing, a little shopping, a LOT of eating (Maryland crabs....mmm) and I think we talked nonstop for the entire 3 day weekend....loved every minute.
6. Went ice skating (w/ my friend Claire) for the first time since Bonnie Cooper's birthday party in 2nd grade...and I didn't even bust it once...and discovered that Park Slope, Brooklyn is freakin' awesome.
7. Had a "throw back" Saturday night watching Doogie Howser (yeah, that's right) season 1 w/ Claire and her roomie. I'm not sure what's more ridiculous--the fact that Claire actually ordered it on Netflix or the fact that we spent a Saturday night watching it.
8. I got the privelege of boogeying down with some south Bronx locals at our client Mardi Gras party. One of the clients (who happens to be a black woman) came up and asked me, "Where'd you get yo' rhythm?" Now she may just think that any white girl who can snap her fingers to a beat qualifies as having rhythm, but you better believe I'll be holdin' on to that compliment 'til I go dancin' into my grave.
9. This month is currently deemed "operation bridesmaid" as I crack down on the healthy eating and prepare to strut my stuff down the aisle at Michelle's wedding next month (side note: I'll be in Dallas Apr.7-9ish for those of you in the vicinity)
10. We had a dog for 2 weeks. His name is Muffinski (don't ask), and he quickly became the heartthrob of Avenue C. We were taking care of him for a friend, and I must say dogs require a lot of attention and early mornings. Basically, I had to come to grips w/ how self-centered I really am. Let's just say I probably don't need to be raising children anytime soon.
11. Jules and I had a good laugh one Friday night when we met some friends at Duvet: the most swanky mcswankster, "Sex and the City"-esque, $12 drink-servin' bar/lounge whatever. Jellyfish aquariums, beds that require reservations , a bar that changes colors and spikey-haired black shirt wearin' bar tenders....boy did I feel right at home.
To counter that, I put all my rhythm to good use dancin' to the hits of the 80's at Culture Club last weekend.
In other random news, I don't care what the thermometer says, today was definitely the coldest and windiest day of the year...and quite possibly of my life. Which is why I'm makin' it a Blockbuster and laundry night on this lovely Friday evening.
I think I'm ready for a new job, maybe something completely different, maybe something corporate. I don't really know. I do know that work's really been taking more of an emotional toll than usual lately. Just in the past couple weeks there's been a miscarriage, foster kid run away from home, suicide attempt, 2 hospitalizatoins, eviction notice, numerous occasions of getting hung up on by feisty and unprofessional welfare workers, pregnant teenager, homeless mother of 4 and the usual doses of anxiety, mental retardation and depression. It's true I've been talking about the job switch for a million years now, but really I'm just a big wuss. I hate resumes and searching and having to "market" myself. The whole game of it makes me want to vomit. Why can't I just be recruited or something, like in sports?
The thing with my job is that you feel as though you've just sprinted a marathon and only moved a foot. And right when you want to throw in the towel you get a tiny grain of hope (this can be related back to the "brown sugar philosphy"), grab the reins, and the whole cycle repeats itself. I don't like to give up, especially not on people. I guess it's a good problem to have but sometimes blurs the understanding of when it's time to move on. So , having put all of that on the table, call me if you're hiring...or if you've received some prophetic message regarding my next career move.
1. I was riding on the bus w/ my client in the Bronx one day and the bus driver led us all in a chorus of "The Wheels on the Bus go 'Round and 'Round" in efforts to get this little girl to stop crying. Never have I seen so many hardcore black-wearing Bronxonians (I just made that word up) smile at once. Mad props to you, Mr. Bus Driver Man!!
2. So we had this whole package of brown sugar that was completely hardened. Naturally, as I always do in such predicaments, I googled my solution and learned that putting a piece of foil and damp paper towel on top of the clumps will soften them right up. So I did, and I waited...day one..still solid as a rock....day two same deal....day three I go to throw out the sugar in despair but alas it has softened and is the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on. Ok, so that might be a slight exageration but seriously I have been incorporating brown sugar into every meal since that glorious day....simply because I can. Sure I could have just given up, thrown it out and bought a new package. But the effort makes it taste all the better. I thought of all these great life analogies that are reflected in the brown sugar incident, but I shall spare you the sentimental details for now.
3. My friend Sarah from A&M just moved across the street from me (literally). She would e-mail and call last year to ask questions as she deliberated the move here. And, as fate would have it, a year later we're neighbors in the big apple.
4. I dated (and I use that term lightly) a Polish dude that I met on the subway. I know, I know...very New York, and/or very ridiculous depending on how you look at it. Needless to say it didn't work out. No more picking up dates on public transportation.
5. Took the Chinatown bus to Baltimore and reconnected with a long lost high school friend who I hadn't seen in 4 years. We did a little kareoke-ing, a little shopping, a LOT of eating (Maryland crabs....mmm) and I think we talked nonstop for the entire 3 day weekend....loved every minute.
6. Went ice skating (w/ my friend Claire) for the first time since Bonnie Cooper's birthday party in 2nd grade...and I didn't even bust it once...and discovered that Park Slope, Brooklyn is freakin' awesome.
7. Had a "throw back" Saturday night watching Doogie Howser (yeah, that's right) season 1 w/ Claire and her roomie. I'm not sure what's more ridiculous--the fact that Claire actually ordered it on Netflix or the fact that we spent a Saturday night watching it.
8. I got the privelege of boogeying down with some south Bronx locals at our client Mardi Gras party. One of the clients (who happens to be a black woman) came up and asked me, "Where'd you get yo' rhythm?" Now she may just think that any white girl who can snap her fingers to a beat qualifies as having rhythm, but you better believe I'll be holdin' on to that compliment 'til I go dancin' into my grave.
9. This month is currently deemed "operation bridesmaid" as I crack down on the healthy eating and prepare to strut my stuff down the aisle at Michelle's wedding next month (side note: I'll be in Dallas Apr.7-9ish for those of you in the vicinity)
10. We had a dog for 2 weeks. His name is Muffinski (don't ask), and he quickly became the heartthrob of Avenue C. We were taking care of him for a friend, and I must say dogs require a lot of attention and early mornings. Basically, I had to come to grips w/ how self-centered I really am. Let's just say I probably don't need to be raising children anytime soon.
11. Jules and I had a good laugh one Friday night when we met some friends at Duvet: the most swanky mcswankster, "Sex and the City"-esque, $12 drink-servin' bar/lounge whatever. Jellyfish aquariums, beds that require reservations , a bar that changes colors and spikey-haired black shirt wearin' bar tenders....boy did I feel right at home.
To counter that, I put all my rhythm to good use dancin' to the hits of the 80's at Culture Club last weekend.
In other random news, I don't care what the thermometer says, today was definitely the coldest and windiest day of the year...and quite possibly of my life. Which is why I'm makin' it a Blockbuster and laundry night on this lovely Friday evening.
I think I'm ready for a new job, maybe something completely different, maybe something corporate. I don't really know. I do know that work's really been taking more of an emotional toll than usual lately. Just in the past couple weeks there's been a miscarriage, foster kid run away from home, suicide attempt, 2 hospitalizatoins, eviction notice, numerous occasions of getting hung up on by feisty and unprofessional welfare workers, pregnant teenager, homeless mother of 4 and the usual doses of anxiety, mental retardation and depression. It's true I've been talking about the job switch for a million years now, but really I'm just a big wuss. I hate resumes and searching and having to "market" myself. The whole game of it makes me want to vomit. Why can't I just be recruited or something, like in sports?
The thing with my job is that you feel as though you've just sprinted a marathon and only moved a foot. And right when you want to throw in the towel you get a tiny grain of hope (this can be related back to the "brown sugar philosphy"), grab the reins, and the whole cycle repeats itself. I don't like to give up, especially not on people. I guess it's a good problem to have but sometimes blurs the understanding of when it's time to move on. So , having put all of that on the table, call me if you're hiring...or if you've received some prophetic message regarding my next career move.
Jan 16, 2006
Walking
I just made the 30 min. walk home from my friend Leslie's apartment at 1:00 in the morning. I know that sounds highly unsafe, but seriously I never feel threatened walking around Manhattan at any given hour....now Brooklyn is a whole other story (Julie can vouge for that;). After being in Texas for 2 weeks, walking is one of the many things I missed about New York. I could eat an entire pie and feel like I walked off every calorie by the time I get home. All I'm saying is who needs South Beach and Atkins when you've got the walker-friendly city?
Long weekends are the greatest (thank you Dr. King). A whole extra day to do all those things you wished you would have gotten around to doing as you drag yourself into the office on any given Monday morning. And when the weekend's over, there's still the shortened work week to look forward to.
One of my co-workers came with me to church tonight. And, no, I did not invite her. She approached me. And, not only that, but she wants to come again next week. At some point along the way I came to understand that the power of conversion does not lie in my hands. It's just that sometimes I'm priveleged enough to find myslef in a place where I am able to witness the process unfold. And then sometimes I even get to play a supporting role in the whole experience. Do I think church will cast some special power upon this girl? No, but I think that God will....and I feel like church is a pretty reliable catylist for that whole process. I'm ashamed to admit that all of this sovereignty business often doesn't make me feel any less insecure about saying or doing something that will send this girl running in the opposite direction when she is so close to crossing that line.
Long weekends are the greatest (thank you Dr. King). A whole extra day to do all those things you wished you would have gotten around to doing as you drag yourself into the office on any given Monday morning. And when the weekend's over, there's still the shortened work week to look forward to.
One of my co-workers came with me to church tonight. And, no, I did not invite her. She approached me. And, not only that, but she wants to come again next week. At some point along the way I came to understand that the power of conversion does not lie in my hands. It's just that sometimes I'm priveleged enough to find myslef in a place where I am able to witness the process unfold. And then sometimes I even get to play a supporting role in the whole experience. Do I think church will cast some special power upon this girl? No, but I think that God will....and I feel like church is a pretty reliable catylist for that whole process. I'm ashamed to admit that all of this sovereignty business often doesn't make me feel any less insecure about saying or doing something that will send this girl running in the opposite direction when she is so close to crossing that line.
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