Apr 30, 2006

Change

So I quit my job and have no backup plan. I gotta' tell you it may be one of the best things that's ever happened to me. Ok, so when I say I have no backup plan, what I really mean is that I have no other job lined up. However, I've saved up a little money and the plan is to take a second and figure out what exactly it is that I'm called to. I don't feel like work and personal life should have to be so separate. They should be overflows of each other. So I want to find a job that feels like that...like something I was created to do.

My last day is May 12th which means I've encountered a major case of "senioritis" at work. I seriously can't focus for more than 10 minute increments...because freedom is right around the corner. I say that now, and then I'm sure in a couple months I'll be posting a whiny blog about how I'm broke and jobless. Such is life...

The craziest thing about all of this is not so much the decision itself, but the internal transformation I've undergone because of it. I've just felt trapped for a long time, like I was going to be stuck in this job forever and stuck in a rut of complacency. So basically something had to change. Some kind of decision had to be made. And it was. And I feel good about it. And in the process of it all I've learned that I really can be a lot of things I think I'm not--spontaneous, unconventional, completely trusting (of God) and most of all confident. For someone who's always done the safe and responsible thing her whole life because she's deathly afraid of failure, a giant leap of faith is what needed to happen. And for someone who is accustomed to feeling anxious and worried on a daily basis, to experience such peace and surety can only be evidence of the supernatural at work.

So that's that. I may fail miserably and find myself not being able to afford rent in a few months. And that's ok. In fact, it may even be good for me. To know that failure doesn't have the same power over me that it had before. I'm excited to see where this story goes.....and equally joyful in the sharing of it...