So sad to see my long 4-day weekend come to a close. I didn't really get around to half of the things on my ambitious list of adventures to partake in, but overall I feel rested....and resting is what weekends are for. It's funny because I always have grand ideas of activities I want to do and places I want to explore in NYC and beyond, and yet when it comes down to it, one of the most fulfilling things I end up doing with my time off is sitting in the park and reading. Simple pleasures always seem to win out in the end.
Today I just finished Unhooked by Laura Sessions. It's basically about the hookup culture of my generation and how it's disabling us from developing authentic, healthy romantic relationships with the opposite sex. I do agree with her on many points, and the facts are quite disturbing. But I see such a different model for relationships among Christians (not that they're perfect either), that it keeps me hopeful there will still continue to be models of true love rooted in complete respect for another. And, at the book's end, the author does point out that those with spiritual roots are less likely to take part in to the hookup culture...so that's that. If she would have just interviewed me from the get go, I probably could have helped her come to that conclusion a little earlier in the game.
I may love buying new books as much as I love the actual reading of them. I found two books to purchase at a local garage sale (or I guess I should say "street sale" as Manhattan is not conducive to people having actual garages) and was ready to offer 10 bucks for the both when the Puerto Rican gentleman informed me it would be $2. "Each?", I asked. "No, one dollar per book", he replied. I had no idea deals like that even existed in this city. Needless to say, I was beaming all the way back to my apartment with my two classics in hand: Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar, and Ralph Ellison's Invisible Man.
The irony of my love for reading is that, at the end of the day, I never feel quite book smart enough to be living here. I was especially aware of this at a BBQ I went to today....lawyer on my right, finance guru on my left, architect across from me. I didn't feel like I had much to contribute to the conversation. I know I'm intelligent, just not in the same way as a lot of the people here. They are intellectuals. I have social smarts. I know that's ok, but it seems Northeasterners tend to value the former more than the latter, which often leaves me frustrated and sometimes disconnected feeling. It's almost like the people in this city are so accustomed to having to produce to feel accepted, to "prove" they have something to offer as if what's already there is not enough. I can better sympathize with the struggle my cousin faced in her two years of grad school here....always sensing the value she held to her classmates depended on the quickness of her responses in the classroom, the depth of her opinions, and often, the liberalness of her views. I pray that others would never feel like they have to "try" in my presence....that they would feel free to just be.
Maybe that is why God's grace is so difficult to accept....because we are so used to striving for others' approval that we cannot imagine someone loving us simply for being alive.
