This week I have found a great deal of comfort in scripture. Unfortunately this has not been a regular occurrence for me in the past couple of years as I have struggled in a continual love-hate relationship with the Bible. I often wrestle with doubts about how it can be divine yet written by humans, and which translation is the most correct and why we must go through such great pains to interpret exactly what message the authors were meaning to convey and why, after praying for the Holy Spirit to give me understanding, I often come away more confused and frustrated than when I began. This is the battle that I find myself having to lay down on weekly basis.
I have a pile accumulating on my shelf of sermon notes from Sundays past, random devotional clippings and various verses scribbled on pieces of scratch paper. So I've decided to take from the top of the pile at every quiet time and see what inspiration comes from these random notes I at some point thought worthy of saving.
Today I picked up a sheet with various scripture references. Several months ago I was reading my Bible on the subway while coming home from church one Sunday. Before getting off at his stop a nice older gentleman said he had seen me reading and gave me a paper with several verses he had jotted down for me to look up. His name was John, and I thanked him for his thoughtfulness. I skimmed the references and added the paper to my pile once I got home thinking I would read the verses in a few days...or three months later. He had written about 10 different passages down, so I decided to look up each one and read them out loud. Sometimes that gives me a clearer picture of God actually speaking to me. I came to Hebrews 11:6 and read:
"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.."
Feeling comforted, I decide to read further:
(v.8) "By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God.
(v.13) All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them at a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country--a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them. "
I've struggled this week with a couple realizations: 1) New York has not changed my love for the Lord and His people. If anything that commitment has strengthened, grounding me deeper in my purpose. 2) A very rare minority cling to my same convictions, and thus I feel more isolated than ever.
It's difficult feeling unsupported or misunderstood in something you believe in with your whole heart--constantly having an awareness that you are different, an outsider. And some days I question if it's worth it to have to die to yourself so much and always do the right thing and pray that you will love someone unselfishly when it would be easier to just not associate with them at all. I'm comforted to know that the very pioneers of our faith faced the same dilemma of being "aliens and strangers on earth". But for some reason they thought it was worth it to persevere. Yet nothing in these verses gives good reason for doing so--living in foreign lands, never having a real earthly home, and being able to enjoy their promised rewards only "at a distance." Let's face it, the Christian life makes absolutely no sense. How then did these men and us believers today find not only justification in pressing on, but great joy in doing so?
(v.1) "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."
This is the part where I should wrap up this little segment with some profound wisdom that ties all of these loose ends together. But the truth is, I'm still trying to answer my own question. I have a feeling it has something to do with verse 1, about real certainty only being found through faith in Christ, about how "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever" (Heb. 13:8) and how that security somehow drives us to walk this path, "the straight and narrow"(which I find to be a deceptively bland description). And then there's all kinds of other driving forces that come into play like unconditional love and grace, etc., etc. But for now it's enough for me to read this passage and simply know that I'm in good company.
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