Looking Up

Something about being outdoors always helps to put matters in perspective for me. I don't know what it is. Recognizing that God created the grass and the trees and the East River somehow helps me understand that He's probably got my life under control too....and then I go back to my apartment and manage to forget that beautiful epiphany.

Yesterday was the first time things felt remotely promising on the job front. I went to a staffing agency and met with some pleasant folks who seemed quite positive that they would be able to find a good fit for me. I don't know why I've never gone to one of these places before. They do all the work for you. It's fabulous. There's also something empowering about putting on a suit. I felt important and intelligent...maybe that's shallow and pathetic ,but it's the truth. I can better understand why the "power tie" is so crucial to the male wardrobe.

I think I've finally gotten some mental and emotional closure with the boy situation too. We talked yesterday, and I realized that conversing with him always manages to disrupt my inner peace. Why it took me 5 months to figure that out I'm not so sure. Better than 5 years I guess. I haven't exactly been able to vocalize this conclusion to him, so I'm taking the more passive no call back approach....I shall keep you posted on how this "weaning off" process goes.

Ok, my tutoring gig calls, and plus I don't really have anything else inspiring to say.

Aimless

Julie so kindly let me grace her with my presence all day long. We spent many a brainless hour watching TV, then I took a nap and then ate a delicious meal cooked by Collin...such a rough life I have.

So I think it's about time to find myself some temp work. I am going a little stir crazy and for whatever reason can't seem to find any motivation to look for a job. At first I was gung-ho about going in the human resources direction, and the more I looked at jobs the less excited I got. I don't know what my deal is. Plenty of people out there enjoy their jobs...I just have doubts that I will ever be among that group.

There's this boy that I've had a very love-hate relationship with for about the past 6 mths. It's annoying to have had so many emotions about a person for that length of time only to realize he's not who you wanted him to be in your head. It took him so long just to make a little effort, and now that he is I just don' t care anymore....and feel annoyed for all that time I spent caring way too much.

So that's that. I just don't care...about the job, about the boy, about much of anything right now. Then why do I feel like such a loser for not having a "real" job? I'm realizing how much New Yorkers are defined by their work. Everyone seems to have such distinguished titles: Project Manger, Investment Banker, Graphic Designer, Creative Director. I hate having to explain to people that I'm in a "transitional" period right now. My counselor told me that we are all broken people and we need to be able to look at those messy parts of ourselves and just accept them as reality. So, I'm trying to get there. To accept where I'm at: that I haven't had a job in a month, that I'm not really actively looking, that I'm unsure of what I want to do, that I sometimes feel like a loser because of it, and that deep down I really do care what other people think...even stupid boys.

Job Searching and Such

I sometimes feel that I should be much better at job searching after so many goes at it. But for some reason cover letters never get any easier to write, and I still laugh every time I look at my resume like I'm trying to be this super sophisticated person that I'm not....whatever. In my opinion there is entirely too much hype surrounding the job search. Listen people, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. This is coming from someone who has scoured hundreds of job postings from social work to sales. There are really only about 5 things you need to master in life:

Microsoft Word
Multi-tasking
Writing
Speaking
and occasionally...the "ability to work in a fast-paced environment"

Those things pretty much summarize every "requirements" category I have read. So, don't sweat it. Basically, if you're good at life and can whip up a word document you're good to go. Sorry to those of you who have paid big money for fancy career seminars. Next time, consult my blog first.

Ok, I'm about to be kicked out of this coffee shop. My supposed Valentine's date for tomorrow has not yet called to confirm, so I'm getting a little nervous.....I mean, I'm Valentine-worthy, right?