I just spent the last 3 hours working on social work school applications, and I still have this freak-out feeling in my chest. I'm overwhelmed, but at the same time there's some sort of peace buried beneath all of this anxiety and doubting and whatever other crap is jumbled together inside.
The guy I've been dating a couple months broke it off yesterday. Which is fine. It was more mutual. For all of our points of connection, spiritually we just weren't headed down the same road. And the thing is, it's no one's fault. It just is. And it's hard to understand why God is real to some people and not to others. And how individuals can be so connected in vision but not in heart. It's just hard. So I'm going to have my brief pity party and move on. Because that's what you gotta do.
For all the stress and emotion, I never imagined I'd actually get this far in the application process. I like to talk about and think about things a lot, and the panic of actually doing them is quite often paralyzing. Sometimes it makes no sense, but that is just my reality, and at some point I decided to pick one foot out of the mud and then the other and so on and so forth. And so I'm gonna keep truckin' on and writing about it and doing what I need to do to not stay stuck. Tomorrow is another day.
2 comments:
I miss you Jenn. Loved this blog. I'm so excited for this next step in your life. Grad School is going to be so cool. But not as cool as you. See you soon. xo
jenn! first off, i just realized that you have had a blog for 5 years. that is pretty darn long to be sharing your profound thoughts with us all. and second, i totally know what you mean about thinking/saying and not doing. it IS frusturating, yes. but you are a very bright, amazing person that has so many untapped qualities. i can't wait to see what you do with them and what this next year brings for you. and in the meantime, i am here to push your ass into gear!
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