Stepping Out

I recently settled upon the fact that I work for the weekends.  And now I am coming to terms with the fact that the weekends are just too short of a thing to be working for.  I'm torn between being unchallenged in my current role and being fearful of the stress that comes with added responsibilities.  I've been down that road before, and it was too much and I quit.  Something tells me it's time to stop being such a wuss and just trust that I won't fall apart at the prospect of a challenge.  

I've been reading My Sister's Keeper (Jodi Picoult) and found a bit of hope in these few lines of thought from a dad about his family's trials:

"It seems remarkable that while one of our daughters is leading us into a legal crisis, the other is in the throes of a medical one--but then again, we have known for quite some time that Kate's at the end stages of renal failure...it is Anna, this time, who's thrown us for a loop.  And Yet--like always--you figure it out; you manage to deal with both.  The human capacity for burden is like bamboo--far more flexible then you'd ever believe at first glance." 

Maybe it's time to step out and start thinking of myself more as bamboo rather than a fragile piece of porcelain or a twig that may snap in half at the slightest weight.  Maybe it's time to trust something bigger than myself.    

Happy Anniversary

Today marked my 4 year anniversary of making the big move from Texas to New York City.  4 years...who would have thought?  Certainly not me.  In celebration of this milestone, Kari and I trecked to our old neighborhood (the East Village) to dine at Sidewalk Cafe which was the very first place she took me to eat when I first moved here.  Awww...how romantic (or something like that).  I still remember what I ordered that long ago (a California burger) and what I was wearing (jeans and a sleeveless black shirt).  I'm really good at taking mental snapshots wherever I am, though I do realize it's a bit freakish to remember what you or anyone else was wearing at some random event 10 years ago.  My memory is a superpower, what can I say?

Tonight was the first time either of us have gone back to the East Village since moving out last month.  I love Brooklyn, but I must say we were both surprised by how much we miss the 'hood.  But I guess it makes sense that if you park yourself somewhere for 4 years after making a dramatic move, it's bound to have some sticking power.  It just becomes a part of you somehow.  And that's good.  Missing something is good because it means you invested. 

To finish our evening of celebrating city life we (naturally) watched a couple episodes of Sex & the City.  All hype and touristy crap aside, Manhattan does have a sort of magic about it.  I both love and hate it in the same breath.  At lunch I ate on the roof deck of my office building where I could see the Empire State Building and Statue of Liberty while downing my Cheetos and turkey sandwich.  Indeed there is no other place like this on earth.  f

Value

Reflection is an art...that adds value--more like, extracts the value--from minutes and hours and days and weeks and months and years and...a lifetime.  I've delved into this art as of late and like what I am finding:  connection.  

Mr. Buckley made us turn in a journal entry every single day for a semester in high school with our high point and low point.  We hated him for it, but really loved him.  He knew the value in the art...of reflection.  

I think that my grandpa may be dying, but I don't know what I feel or if he is really dying. Disconnected because I'm not there and unsure of the closeness of our relationship and unable to deal with the inability of that side of the family to confront these sorts of matters.  I need to reach him in my own way.  I'm just not sure what that is.  I need to think.

My best friend told me today that I won't find a man in New York.  She was halfway sarcastic seeing as those statements are part of her ploy to get me back to Texas.   But it might be kind of true.  I mean, there's gotta be someone I'm into who's not off the market already.  I fear my "type" may not be a breed that flourishes in the big apple.  Not really sure where that leaves me (besides single).  

I walked 8 miles today exploring Brooklyn.  My feet hurt. 

Playground

Tonight my roomate Josh and I took a late night walk to drop Moni off at the train and do a bit of exploring in the 'hood.  We ended up at the playground by my apartment, and for a second I felt like a kid again climbing the monkey bars, going down the slide and attempting (in vain) to do a chin-up.  I always freakin' hated in middle school when chin ups were part of the physical education test.  Umm, hello...some of us have giraffe length arms and have a longer distance to hoist ourselves.  But whatever--I'm over it.  

Anyways, now I'm all excited about this park because it has a basketball court.  Not that I'm a hardcore street baller or anything, but it'd be nice to get out a shoot a few hoops for old times sake.  I think I'll go buy a basketball after work tomorrow.  I love living in Brooklyn cuz it's kinda suburban (for New York, that is) and kinda city.  It's just nice to have space and simple luxuries like a grill and a linen closet.  I've been breathing so much easier this past month.  I don't think I fully realized how uptight I've felt the past four years until I moved.  4 years of not feeling relaxed--that is somethin' else.  People here are just normal folk, ya know.  They grew up here and don't care so much about being in any kind of scene besides whatever action is going on over at the neighbors stoop.  I dig that--just normal stoop folk doin' their normal everyday thing.  I dig feeling more relaxed and being a little bit of a kid again.  Yeah, Brooklyn is a good new era.  

Happenings

Hmmm...lots to say but nothing to write.  This is where I went this weekend:

Montauk=my happy place.  It is beautiful and tranquil and one of the most healing places I know.

This is my new haircut:

I dig it.  Hope you do too.  

And this is my new neighborhood.  More specifically, the annual West Indie Day Parade that went down today right on my block.  Jerk Chicken & Meat Patties anyone?

                   

These are the things I'd rather be doing tomorrow than work:

- laundry

- going back to Montauk

- decorating my apartment

- escaping reality

And on that note...my life in pictures shall be continued on another day.  Whoever is still reading this, please drop me a line.  I miss you!